matters of the mind and the heart

As I have mentioned on Instagram (@withaflugelhorn), mental health is just as important as physical health. So here is a little piece I have written for those that might be facing a few personal challenges in the romance department.

Matters of the mind and the heart are often very complicated. It's part of what makes us human.

Of course I am talking about the metaphorical heart, our 'emotional centre', not the cardiac organ beating within our chest.

While logic might dictate one pathway, often our emotions lead us down another. This seems most common in the pursuit of romantic love, although platonic love (the love we have for our family, etc) can also lead us astray.

But let's face it, a world completely dictated by logic would be fairly dull. The arts would surely be less captivating. I cannot imagine Shakespeare's plays would have had quite the same effect. And without his many mistresses, would Picasso have still created such memorable paintings?

Most TV series rely on a heavy dose of emotion and drama. And it is pretty hard to find a pop song that doesn't have some reference to love, loss or heartache.

Admittedly, knowledge that emotions and love are an integral part of our lives doesn't necessarily help us when things go awry.

So what should we do when issues arise or when someone we thought we'd spend the rest of our lives with, turns out to be a total douche?

Here are a few suggestions...

• Remember that there is nothing wrong with you. These types of things happen to lots of people, for any number of reasons.
• It's ok to be upset. People seem to have forgotten that we can't always be happy. So let yourself be upset for a while, just don't let it overrun your life.
• Talk to others, especially those that know you best. Not only can it help to talk to someone else, to formulate and articulate your ideas and feelings, it can help you gain an outsiders perspective and maybe even some advice.
  (Please note - if you don't feel that you have anyone talk to, there are a number of telephone and online counselling providers out there.)
• Don't act out on your anger or frustration. You might feel like a raging bull, but don't let yourself do anything that you would regret later.
• Remember to learn from this experience. One of the many wonderful things about being human is that we can learn from our experiences (whether they are mistakes or not).
• Focus on the positive relationships in your life. Don't let one bad relationship poison the rest.
• As difficult as it might be, keep yourself busy. While you might want to take time off work or study, it is best to continue your regular activities, and being busy can help you take you mind off everything else.
• Depending on the situation - talk to your partner. If you are experiencing a problem in your relationship that could be fixed or resolved, then it is important to communicate this. (Remember that your significant other is not a mind reader.) You never know, together you could find a solution.

Obviously, the ultimate goal is continue living a varied and wonderful life. But this is harder for some of us.

One thing that I learnt during my psych days at uni, and that I still use as an indicator today, is to ask myself 'Am I functioning as contributing member of society?'.

If you are in such a position that you can't go to work or look after your kids or feed/clean yourself, then your answer would be 'no' and thus you should seek additional help.

For a lot of us though, our answer would be 'yes' as we can continue to do all those things. And as with the good times, we acknowledge that bad times are part of the colourful and sometimes unpredictable mosaic of life.

I am no history buff, but I can assure you that without mistakes and setbacks, we would not have learned, nor progressed, as much as we have. So consider this part of your evolution.

- Dani