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While my 'feminist views' tend to focus on the education of women and breaking down social expectations and stereotypes, I felt the need to share with you this confronting video about domestic violence.



Please note that domestic violence does not only occur to women. Many men in Australia are physically assaulted by their partners.

- Dani

matters of the mind and the heart

As I have mentioned on Instagram (@withaflugelhorn), mental health is just as important as physical health. So here is a little piece I have written for those that might be facing a few personal challenges in the romance department.

Matters of the mind and the heart are often very complicated. It's part of what makes us human.

Of course I am talking about the metaphorical heart, our 'emotional centre', not the cardiac organ beating within our chest.

While logic might dictate one pathway, often our emotions lead us down another. This seems most common in the pursuit of romantic love, although platonic love (the love we have for our family, etc) can also lead us astray.

But let's face it, a world completely dictated by logic would be fairly dull. The arts would surely be less captivating. I cannot imagine Shakespeare's plays would have had quite the same effect. And without his many mistresses, would Picasso have still created such memorable paintings?

Most TV series rely on a heavy dose of emotion and drama. And it is pretty hard to find a pop song that doesn't have some reference to love, loss or heartache.

Admittedly, knowledge that emotions and love are an integral part of our lives doesn't necessarily help us when things go awry.

So what should we do when issues arise or when someone we thought we'd spend the rest of our lives with, turns out to be a total douche?

Here are a few suggestions...

• Remember that there is nothing wrong with you. These types of things happen to lots of people, for any number of reasons.
• It's ok to be upset. People seem to have forgotten that we can't always be happy. So let yourself be upset for a while, just don't let it overrun your life.
• Talk to others, especially those that know you best. Not only can it help to talk to someone else, to formulate and articulate your ideas and feelings, it can help you gain an outsiders perspective and maybe even some advice.
  (Please note - if you don't feel that you have anyone talk to, there are a number of telephone and online counselling providers out there.)
• Don't act out on your anger or frustration. You might feel like a raging bull, but don't let yourself do anything that you would regret later.
• Remember to learn from this experience. One of the many wonderful things about being human is that we can learn from our experiences (whether they are mistakes or not).
• Focus on the positive relationships in your life. Don't let one bad relationship poison the rest.
• As difficult as it might be, keep yourself busy. While you might want to take time off work or study, it is best to continue your regular activities, and being busy can help you take you mind off everything else.
• Depending on the situation - talk to your partner. If you are experiencing a problem in your relationship that could be fixed or resolved, then it is important to communicate this. (Remember that your significant other is not a mind reader.) You never know, together you could find a solution.

Obviously, the ultimate goal is continue living a varied and wonderful life. But this is harder for some of us.

One thing that I learnt during my psych days at uni, and that I still use as an indicator today, is to ask myself 'Am I functioning as contributing member of society?'.

If you are in such a position that you can't go to work or look after your kids or feed/clean yourself, then your answer would be 'no' and thus you should seek additional help.

For a lot of us though, our answer would be 'yes' as we can continue to do all those things. And as with the good times, we acknowledge that bad times are part of the colourful and sometimes unpredictable mosaic of life.

I am no history buff, but I can assure you that without mistakes and setbacks, we would not have learned, nor progressed, as much as we have. So consider this part of your evolution.

- Dani

no more

It is as if nothing has changed. I am putting on weight again and making poor decisions.

I don't plan enough, I'm not disciplined enough and all I seem to do is talk about the potential to improve.

Well that is it!

No more excuses.

No more Coke Zero.

No more treats.

No more positive dribble on this blog.

If I do not start making real changes constantly, then I will not write one more word about this supposed transformation. Now I say constantly because I have great days and terrible days, but there are not enough great days.

And if any of you see me engaging in counter-productive behaviour - please feel free to bring this up.

- Dani

fair dinkum

A typical Australia Day for me involves getting together with friends to drink and indulge in a good bout of cringe-worthy (read bogan-esque) behaviour.

This year, however, I was on a farm in country Victoria with a few blokes who'd been slaving away in the sun all day, listening to Triple J's hottest 100. There were a few drinks, a good feed and, of course, the tennis. It was nice being away from the crowds, festivities and fireworks.

While the parades in the city were all about a modern and multicultural Australia - an Australia I live and breathe every day - it was nice to experience something different, something considered quintessentially Australian.

My day started in the city, where I haphazardly managed a morning run under the brooding sky. (I wanted to enjoy Australia Day without guilt but my body wasn't in a cooperative mood.)

After stocking up on supplies I headed to the farm and was greeted by glorious sunshine and sunburnt pastures. It was a postcard worthy view.

The scenery had a surprising effect on me - I felt enchanted. It was beautiful and unforgiving and vast. I have lived in Australia my whole life, seen a fair bit of the countryside, but there was something so captivating about the vibrant, albeit lifeless, landscape.


I should admit that this is not the first time scenery has tugged at my emotions on Australia Day. Previously, I cried in the Himalayas while watching the sunrise at a lookout. It was beautiful but I had never felt so far away from everyone I loved and everything familiar to me.

Australia Day 2009

In all honesty I don't know why Australia Day has this effect on me. I am Australian but I would gladly live somewhere else. I think it is a fantastic country but acknowledge that it isn't perfect.

I guess that, like Christmas, it is traditionally a day where people gather with loved ones regardless of their beliefs or backgrounds. And what is there not to like about that.

- Dani

bucket list

As round 3 (2012) of the 12 week body transformation wraps up, it has gotten me thinking about my failures/weaknesses and my successes/strengths.

It will come as no surprise to you all that I have more weaknesses than strengths, definitely more failures than successes.

But all is not lost. While thinking about the hurdles I faced I also started thinking of solutions, one of which is a 'bucket list'. Not just any ordinary bucket list, a bucket list with social activities that are not centred around food or alcohol (crazy!).

So here are some of my ideas so far

• Rock climbing
• Go-kart racing
• Go to the ballet or a show
• Mini-golf (incl glow-in-the-dark mini golf)
• Ice skating
• Walks (e.g., Kokoda Memorial walk, Hanging Rock trail)

I also put the idea out to my friends and... they all love it! They all threw in their own suggestions...

• Bike riding
• 1000 steps
• Golf
• Paintball
• Lawn bowls
• Water sports
• Camping
• No light no lycra
• Craft nights
• Frisbee in the park

Firstly, I am so excited that all my friends are on board with this initiative. And secondly, I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner.

Being fit and healthy doesn't need to be hard work.

Now we just need to make it happen.

- Dani

Oh and... I signed up for Round 4! I wasn't going to, but I think I've made the right decision.

the love

Watch out! Corniness alert!

Looking at everyone else's 12wbt blogs has been AMAZING! There are some seriously talented and witty people out there. I can't wait for my own blog to evolve and develop - there is so much potential!

The thing that these blogs and the entire 12wbt highlight for me is our need to feel a sense of connectedness and belonging. I feel like I'm channelling an old psych lecturer now (slightly awkward), but she was right.

In the most recent 12wbt video, Michelle Bridges said that people wanted to know why the 12wbt works, what the secret is. While there are, no doubt, many elements to its success, I imagine that gaining a sense of belonging/connectedness has been a significant factor in every success story. And if you believe otherwise, please don't hold back, I'm welcome to hearing any and all opinions.

For me personally, I can discuss different struggle areas with friends, family and colleagues. My biggest supporter is my boyfriend. He has even changed his lifestyle to make my transition easier. At the same time, he isn't overweight, he hasn't battled these issues before, so that is where other 12wbters become really important. I probably haven't embraced the 12wbt network as much as I could, but I am definitely gaining insight through the blogosphere. So I'm sure it is a source I will draw from more in the future.

While I'm on my psych soap box, it is also worth noting that positive social support can also work as a protective factor against mental health issues. This does not mean that having great social support will call forth your own mental health Jedi...

...but it can help. And seeing as today is R U OK? Day, I feel I must ask

Are you ok?

I hope you are! If not, please seek appropriate help - call lifeline, see a doctor, even talk to someone you know. And if you are ok, maybe consider if there is anyone you know that needs a gentle "are you ok?"

- Dani