lean in

Lean In is a women's empowerment foundation established following the release of Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. I haven't read this book yet, but I have genuinely enjoyed reading some of the content on the Lean In website. (Check out the 'Letters from Dad'.)

One of the projects started by Lean In is 'What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid?', which is based on the following premise...

Studies show that even after college, women are less ambitious than their male peers. They avoid leadership roles. They are afraid to speak up. 

Why do women harbor such fear? Why are they afraid to raise their hands? 

...and it got me thinking.  What would I do if I wasn't afraid?

At first I thought "I'm not afraid", and in the conventional sense, I'm not. But then I realised that there are subtle fears shaping my life. For example, I would love to travel more, but with only 4 weeks annual leave a year, I would probably have to quit my job to truly pursue that goal. And while I really like my job, which is the main reason I haven't just packed and left, I'm also afraid that a prolonged period of travel could negatively effect my future career prospects.

So here is brief list of some of things I would do if I wasn't afraid.

1. Travel the world for 12 months or so

2. Talk to my parents more openly

3. Believe that I can (do anything)

Which then leads me to the question... what would you do if you weren't afraid?

- Dani

matters of the mind and the heart

As I have mentioned on Instagram (@withaflugelhorn), mental health is just as important as physical health. So here is a little piece I have written for those that might be facing a few personal challenges in the romance department.

Matters of the mind and the heart are often very complicated. It's part of what makes us human.

Of course I am talking about the metaphorical heart, our 'emotional centre', not the cardiac organ beating within our chest.

While logic might dictate one pathway, often our emotions lead us down another. This seems most common in the pursuit of romantic love, although platonic love (the love we have for our family, etc) can also lead us astray.

But let's face it, a world completely dictated by logic would be fairly dull. The arts would surely be less captivating. I cannot imagine Shakespeare's plays would have had quite the same effect. And without his many mistresses, would Picasso have still created such memorable paintings?

Most TV series rely on a heavy dose of emotion and drama. And it is pretty hard to find a pop song that doesn't have some reference to love, loss or heartache.

Admittedly, knowledge that emotions and love are an integral part of our lives doesn't necessarily help us when things go awry.

So what should we do when issues arise or when someone we thought we'd spend the rest of our lives with, turns out to be a total douche?

Here are a few suggestions...

• Remember that there is nothing wrong with you. These types of things happen to lots of people, for any number of reasons.
• It's ok to be upset. People seem to have forgotten that we can't always be happy. So let yourself be upset for a while, just don't let it overrun your life.
• Talk to others, especially those that know you best. Not only can it help to talk to someone else, to formulate and articulate your ideas and feelings, it can help you gain an outsiders perspective and maybe even some advice.
  (Please note - if you don't feel that you have anyone talk to, there are a number of telephone and online counselling providers out there.)
• Don't act out on your anger or frustration. You might feel like a raging bull, but don't let yourself do anything that you would regret later.
• Remember to learn from this experience. One of the many wonderful things about being human is that we can learn from our experiences (whether they are mistakes or not).
• Focus on the positive relationships in your life. Don't let one bad relationship poison the rest.
• As difficult as it might be, keep yourself busy. While you might want to take time off work or study, it is best to continue your regular activities, and being busy can help you take you mind off everything else.
• Depending on the situation - talk to your partner. If you are experiencing a problem in your relationship that could be fixed or resolved, then it is important to communicate this. (Remember that your significant other is not a mind reader.) You never know, together you could find a solution.

Obviously, the ultimate goal is continue living a varied and wonderful life. But this is harder for some of us.

One thing that I learnt during my psych days at uni, and that I still use as an indicator today, is to ask myself 'Am I functioning as contributing member of society?'.

If you are in such a position that you can't go to work or look after your kids or feed/clean yourself, then your answer would be 'no' and thus you should seek additional help.

For a lot of us though, our answer would be 'yes' as we can continue to do all those things. And as with the good times, we acknowledge that bad times are part of the colourful and sometimes unpredictable mosaic of life.

I am no history buff, but I can assure you that without mistakes and setbacks, we would not have learned, nor progressed, as much as we have. So consider this part of your evolution.

- Dani

sisterhood

Hello peeps! I hope you all had a fantastic Easter long weekend. I spent the whole weekend with two of my sisters. We cavorted our way around Melbourne and, thankfully, didn't indulge in too much chocolate (yay!), although I probably did indulge a little too much in everything else (comedy, popcorn, Lebanese food, etc).

But let's be honest, you can never have enough comedy, and clearly we couldn't get enough of Hannah Gadsby - we saw both her shows. Yep she has two different shows as part of the Melbourne International Comedy festival and we saw both... in the same weekend.

Pic from comedyfestival.com.au

And do you know what? She was hilarious! So no regrets here. If I was going to recommend one show over the other though, I would recommend seeing 'Happiness is a bedside table'. Her 'Nakedy Nudes' show at the National Gallery of Victoria is intriguing, but not as laugh-until-your-cheeks-hurt funny.

Basically the rest of the weekend was filled with shopping and SingStar, dancing and drinks, family, friends and lots of food. Four full days of rest and frivolity.

Brunch at Le Miel

Driving around

Proof that there was some sunshine

SingStar

Uncle Alan's 50th

My gorgeous sisters

Family lunch

Morning walk to Princes Pier

Easter goodies bag

Sisters

Cheers to the sisterhood!

- Dani

fair dinkum

A typical Australia Day for me involves getting together with friends to drink and indulge in a good bout of cringe-worthy (read bogan-esque) behaviour.

This year, however, I was on a farm in country Victoria with a few blokes who'd been slaving away in the sun all day, listening to Triple J's hottest 100. There were a few drinks, a good feed and, of course, the tennis. It was nice being away from the crowds, festivities and fireworks.

While the parades in the city were all about a modern and multicultural Australia - an Australia I live and breathe every day - it was nice to experience something different, something considered quintessentially Australian.

My day started in the city, where I haphazardly managed a morning run under the brooding sky. (I wanted to enjoy Australia Day without guilt but my body wasn't in a cooperative mood.)

After stocking up on supplies I headed to the farm and was greeted by glorious sunshine and sunburnt pastures. It was a postcard worthy view.

The scenery had a surprising effect on me - I felt enchanted. It was beautiful and unforgiving and vast. I have lived in Australia my whole life, seen a fair bit of the countryside, but there was something so captivating about the vibrant, albeit lifeless, landscape.


I should admit that this is not the first time scenery has tugged at my emotions on Australia Day. Previously, I cried in the Himalayas while watching the sunrise at a lookout. It was beautiful but I had never felt so far away from everyone I loved and everything familiar to me.

Australia Day 2009

In all honesty I don't know why Australia Day has this effect on me. I am Australian but I would gladly live somewhere else. I think it is a fantastic country but acknowledge that it isn't perfect.

I guess that, like Christmas, it is traditionally a day where people gather with loved ones regardless of their beliefs or backgrounds. And what is there not to like about that.

- Dani

finale

Ah Sydney, how you delight and confuse me with your shiny lights and traffic chaos. Luckily, I had a constant guide, my lovely sister, to direct me through the madness. But what a weekend it was.

For those of you not partaking in the Michelle Bridges 12 week body transformation, at the end of each round (there are 4 rounds this year) the 12wbt team throws a group workout and finale party in one major city - this round it was in Sydney. I decided to check it out and get some quality bonding time with my Sydney-sider sister.

Chelle and I arrived at the group workout nice and early (almost bang-on 9am), and the crowd was fairly small. As we visited the sponsor tents and tried one of the challenges (burpees - what was I thinking?), the crowd grew and grew until there were supposedly 1000 people there.

Fitness heat #2

The fitness heats/final made the morning truly inspiring. Some 12wbters have made the most remarkable transformations. I have struggled a little with a "I can't do this" mentality, but seeing all these people made me start to believe that I can.

The group workout was... intense at times and somewhat bizarre at others. There was lots of running forward and clapping, bouncing around (I'd wish I worn an extra sports bra) and enthusiasm. One of the group activities even left many of us with scuffed knees - not ideal before a cocktail night. But no one was complaining (and you'd certainly hope not given the number of t-shirts emblazoned with 'JFDI').

Chelle & I left the group workout feeling buggered and hungry, oh and a tad sunburnt.

***

One burger, nap and shower later, and I was ready to par-tay!!!

The cocktail party was, once again, inspiring and a fantastic bonding moment for Chelle and I. We completely embraced the let-your-hair-down vibe and made full use of the bar and photo booth. (If you'll remember from my previous posts, abstaining from alcohol while out is not one of my strengths.)

It was probably one of the best weekends my sister and I have had together in quite a while. I am feeling inspired and motivated, and Chelle is even thinking of doing the Lean and Fit 12wbt in the new year (which is yet even more motivation for me).

I am not feeling very prepared for Round 4 at the moment but I am not concerned, because after the weekend I just had, I feel ready to tackle anything.

- Dani

sisters

The weekend is nearly upon us and I am ready for a good one. (I have my weekend bag packed and with me at work - yay!)

Yes, I am going to Sydney. No, not just for 12wbt.

When I found out the 12wbt finale would be in Sydney and that one of my sisters would be back in Sydney at that time, I thought '"hey, why not".

My sisters are often my biggest supporters and closest friends. Though miles and miles separate us (all four of us), we're always there for each other. We laugh, we cry, we dance like crazy in our bedrooms. 

So while I am excited about the 12wbt group workout and cocktail party, I am most excited about spending the weekend with my sister.

See you soon shishter!

- Dani

the nudge

Once I realised I needed to change my priorities, I wasn't overly sure what to do next. Luckily I didn't need to think about it long, a girl at work mentioned that she was thinking of joining Round 3 (2012) of the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation. It was a brilliant moment and before I could hit the snack jar at work one last time, I'd signed up and was preparing to do the pre-season tasks.

Say it out loud is one of the 12wbt pre-season tasks and is about making a commitment to yourself and others. Making a commitment and being accountable is something I haven't really embraced before. I have always hid my goals, so that when I didn't reach them, no one else would know I hadn't succeeded. No more though! I was determined to complete all the pre-season tasks. So I posted a note to my family, it wasn't very long, but it said enough - and it was out there for all to see, no more hiding.

Over the next few days the support and encouragement I received from my family was overwhelming.

As for the other pre-season tasks, I couldn't believe how unfit I had become. I couldn't do one sit up - not one! That has never happened to me before.

Before pic

Through the 12wbt pre-season tasks, I realised that in the past I was happy to tell people that I was overweight, but I couldn't seem to admit that I was actually trying to do something about it. Furthermore, when I did exercise and try to lead a healthier life, I felt judged. I felt that people shouldn't see me exercising. I found it embarrassing and I'm still finding it embarrassing. But I'm working on it.

Like many people, I know exactly what I need to do to lose weight and get healthy, but I have always lacked drive/discipline. The 12wbt has helped remove some of thinking, which can be stressful, and it is somewhat helping to boost my drive. The range of recipes is inspiring - and I already owned Michelle Bridges cookbooks. The instructions and processes I have undertaken have been thought provoking. Now it's just up to me.

- Dani