giving up

Well, this 12 week body transformation certainly hasn't played out how I thought it might - I guess I only have myself to blame though.

This week I pretty much gave up. Ok, I didn't exactly give up, I just noticed that my life was exactly the same (more or less) as before I started the 12wbt. So there hasn't really been any transformation.

It is devastating, especially when so many other 12wbters are doing so well. I was hoping that when I decided to sign-up for the 12wbt, it meant I'd had my light bulb moment, that I was suddenly going to follow the plans and transform into the healthy, fit person I'd like to be.

So naive.

While some people might suddenly wake up one morning and have a totally new approach to life, for most us, change is gradual. And it isn't necessarily going to be easy.

Trying to lose weight and change my lifestyle makes me so aware of my flaws. So not only is it hard cooking more, exercising more, having less time down time in my day. But I am constantly aware of my laziness, my selfishness, my lack of will power.

For some reason though, I don't seem to think that I deserve better. This lack of faith in myself is holding me back - in all areas of my life.

At this point, I feel that if I keep disappointment at bay, I might be able to make this transformation step-by-fricken-tiny-step. But I have to keep trying. Because even though I'm no where near my goals, I am closer than when I started. I might never have a light bulb moment, but I never want to give up.

- Dani