no more

It is as if nothing has changed. I am putting on weight again and making poor decisions.

I don't plan enough, I'm not disciplined enough and all I seem to do is talk about the potential to improve.

Well that is it!

No more excuses.

No more Coke Zero.

No more treats.

No more positive dribble on this blog.

If I do not start making real changes constantly, then I will not write one more word about this supposed transformation. Now I say constantly because I have great days and terrible days, but there are not enough great days.

And if any of you see me engaging in counter-productive behaviour - please feel free to bring this up.

- Dani

post 12wbt

It's over. While I'm partially relieved, I also feel hesitant about being 'cut off' from the 12wbt site/world.

Has my body transformed? Not really, well not much, but it has been a step in the right direction.

Some of the recipes were fantastic and it was nice having workouts planned by someone else, but I'm loving my new 'independence'.

Since the end of round 4 of 12wbt, I've been regularly running along the beach - though the weather really isn't making it easy - I'm loving healthy food and I'm keen to experiment a bit more in the kitchen.

After a recent conversation with friends, I'm also considering training for a mini triathlon. I'm a terrible swimmer, so I don't know if I will actually compete any time in the future. But being fit enough to do a triathlon definitely seems to be a motivating factor at the moment.

Basically, life is pretty great. I'm exercising, I'm eating well and I feel really happy.

Now that I'm not focused on the 12wbt, this blog is going evolve slightly. I'm hoping to share more recipes, discuss topics of interest, provide general updates about my life, etc. But my weight loss and transformation journey is far from over, so this will still be a recurring topic.

Looking forward to having this body again

- Dani

can do

I went to an all girls school. The kind that had blazers and daggy hats, and that 'can do' attitude. I wholeheartedly embraced that attitude and truly believed that we were the women of the future - that we could do anything!

After leaving high school I discovered that it is harder for women. That we might not be able to do everything, or more that our chances are greatly reduced because of our gender. Also, there is perceived equality, but a lot of attitudes still need changing.

This gave my confidence a bit of a battering and I started feeling annoyed. My school had misled us.

At one point I said to my boyfriend, "What am I going to tell my daughters, if I have any? Do I lie, and get their hopes up and tell them what I was told? Or do I tell them the more realistic version?"

And his reply astonished me, he said, "You're going to tell them what you've been told, because you can achieve anything, and so can they."

He said this with complete conviction, without a hint of doubt in his voice, and he made me start to believe it.

Now that I've had more time to reflect and learn, I realise that my school did the right thing. And now I will tell anyone who will listen, especially young girls and women, that you can do anything. You can achieve anything. Yes, the road might be a little bumpier, but someone has to start paving the way.

I am particularly concerned with this topic at the moment for two reasons.

One, because there have been a lot of comments in the media that have shocked me. Comments from influential people who clearly have little faith in the ability of women. It makes me wonder if we will only achieve 'perceived' rather than real equality.

My second reason is a tad more personal. There are a few young women in my life right now that need to hear this message, that need to believe in themselves. I know it is normal for teenage girls to be preoccupied with body image and social networks, but I'm worried that they rely solely on external validation and that their not investing time and effort into their own development, into their own strengths.

Friends, family, acquaintances, they are all important. But your skills, your experiences, who you are as a person, no one can take that away from you.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that, we can do anything, especially if we put time and energy into being the people we want to be. I'm not being particularly articulate but hopefully you get what I mean.

- Dani

it's easy to smile when you're winning

The post holiday blues might be setting in now. It has taken over two weeks, which seems a bit long to me, but it was bound to happen as some point.

Between my fragile emotional state, my weary body (seriously when did everything start aching?) and an abundance of work, this round of 12wbt is most definitely not going to end with a bang. (In fact I think I've started gaining weight again.)

It was easy to be positive and full of energy when I was seeing great results, but as soon as the tables turn, it becomes much harder to stick with the strategy. So, I will admit it... I've been very slack the past two weeks. With each weigh-in and every time I look at my body in the mirror, my will seems to diminish. I'm thinking... no moping, rather than doing.

Without the forced gym junkie and health guru regiment, I still make healthier choices more than I did pre-12wbt. I am even choosing to go for a run not because the plan says so, but because I (kinda) enjoy it.

But is this good enough? No.

Am I unhappy with my body and my level of fitness? Hell yeah!

Of course I would love to be happy in my own body, blah blah blah. But the reason this disappointment is so significant is that it means that I care. I care about my body, about my health. Hell yes, I care!

So now I have confirmation - I am completely controlled by my emotions/mood... and it has to stop. A shitty day at work does not give me the right to stuff my face with calorie-laden food. In fact the whole logic is backwards. My body and brain have clearly already suffered enough after a tough day, I should be rewarding myself by looking after them.

It is easy to dispense these words, now I need to put this theory into action. So I'm creating a little project for myself, I'm calling it Project 'Mood Buster'. When I'm exhausted or feeling emotional, even cranky, I'm going to try to reward/improve myself with non-food actions/activities.

For example, "It's been a tough week, I deserve a few Friday drinks" will become "It's been a tough week, I deserve a massage" or "It's been a tough week, I deserve a bubble bath".

Or when a mood strikes, "All I want to do is curl in a ball and cry" will become "I'm feeling really crappy, maybe a walk/comedy gig/bike ride with a friend will cheer me up".

Sometimes, when the pressure is on at work, the first thing I do is head for the lolly jar. This is probably going to be the hardest behaviour to crack. My current thinking is that if time permits, I'll try to step outside for a moment instead or make sure I always have healthier snack alternatives at my desk (though this doesn't tend to have the same psychological effect).

This is definitely more an art than a science, but it might provide some real benefits long-term.

And if anyone has already found some great mood busting tricks, please feel free to share.

- Dani