bad news

My sight is fine, but my vision is hazy.
Each sense is struggling, sloth-like, lazy.
An intense pressure, a gravitational force.
Slowing each movement, swaying my course.

It had been so long, since these eyes saw your face.
A youthful image, I can now never replace.
I didn't miss you, but now that you are gone,
A feeling has grown, something dark and forlorn.

Dear time, oh shadows, will you give me no rest.
These good young people, were giving their best.
No logic or pattern, no announcement or sign.
This game of life, is not so benign.

Sooner or later, we all fall and fade.
Relinquishing life and memories made.


- Dani

relax

Oh what a lovely long weekend... Forgive me if I get lost in dreamy thoughts while writing this post.

In a nut shell: 3 days, no work, lots of sunshine, plenty of rest.

I spent the weekend at Blairgowrie, down on the Mornington Peninsula, with Dan and Maple (Dan's dog). We explored the bay and the back beach, and even a few of the shops near by. We had time to read, sleep-in and muck around. It was amazing.

I tend to use holidays as a chance to explore the world and do/see as much as possible. While this is a fantastic way to make the most of each holiday, it can be exhausting. This mini trip helped me to realise how important it is to relax every now and then.

The benefits of relaxation are plentiful, from physical to mental health benefits, and a lack a relaxation can lead to undue stress, which has been extensively linked to poor health outcomes.

While we obviously can't arrange a long weekend for ourselves whenever we need to wind down, learning how to relax or engaging in relaxing behaviour on a regular basis is a key to healthy living. For some people a gym session relieves stress, while others prefer a bubble bath. Whatever it is that relaxes you, make the time to do it at least once this week.

In the words of Jackie Chan, "Sometimes I do need to go to karaoke, sometimes I need to relax."

- Dani

a good (re)start

Well, it has been a good start to the week, particularly on the health front. I have been eating clean, healthy food, without over indulging. Surprise, surprise... planning/being prepared seems to be a key element in this success.

Warm chicken quinoa salad with chilli zucchini and garlic broccoli (I just use whatever greens I have in the house at the time) has to be one of my all time favourite meals. (Thanks Heidi! Get the recipe here.)

Even something as simple a freshly chopped pineapple for breakfast, has helped me feel healthier and energised. (And feeling more energised is big thing for me.)

Dan has also been putting his inner chef to work and created a delicious, mostly healthy, Caesar salad.

After my recent hiatus at the gym, I can't believe that I am actually smashing out gym sessions. My overall endurance has definitely decreased, but my strength and my determination don't seem to have dwindled. I even managed a personal best on the rowing ergo yesterday.

But all is not perfect. I had a can of Coke Zero yesterday and after my gym session on Monday night I had the appetite of an animal preparing for hibernation. Though I still managed to eat decent food, it was a much larger meal than I should've eaten.

As previously mentioned, I am currently researching why people overeat and choose the 'wrong' food.

In particular, I am always baffled as to why I crave pizza when I know I enjoy eating a roast veg salad more. It doesn't seem to matter how much beautiful, healthy, fresh food I prepare, I still crave junk food. And I'm sure I am not alone in this.

Regardless, there is no magic pill that will change my attitude towards food - and even if there was, I wouldn't want to take it - I am determined to make these changes on my own. I just need a way to ensure I keep on making these changes. Hmm, if only it was that easy.

- Dani

slowly, slowly

Did you know that I've been to the Himalayas?

I climbed to Annapurna base camp, which is 4130m above see level. The entire trek, all two weeks of it, was one of the hardest but most rewarding things I have ever done. By the time we flew out of Jomsom, my legs we constantly aching, my bowels were exhausted but my sense of accomplishment had never been greater.

I wasn't the fittest person when I did this trek, furthermore I have exercise induced asthma. So as you might imagine, I often ended up at the back of the group with the Sherpa (Dawa) and his constantly reassuring words - "slowly, slowly".

Though I'm not climbing a mountain now, these two journeys (the trek and my transformation journey) have many parallels... and Dawa's advice still rings true.

Lately, I have eaten badly, drunk less water (but more alcohol/soft drink) and reduced my level of activity. I haven't been transforming, I am regressing.

As you might have gathered from my previous post, this is frustrating me. But guess what? I still made poor choices even after that post. Rather than continue the cycle of good behaviour, then bad behaviour, then frustration, followed by hopelessness. I'm trying to focus on progressing consistently, even if it is slowly, slowly - making better choices as often as possible.

So I've starting looking into overeating and compulsive eating. Just to see if any insights there might help me. I love research and education. And although I already know a bit about health, exercise, the body and the mind, it never hurts to learn more.

Now I have two books to read: The End of Overeating (by David Kessler) and The Headspace Diet (by Andy Puddicombe), and there is plenty more research to do.

I'm not looking for a diet or a quick fix, I guess I'm just looking for something that will help everything 'click'. I know there is a healthier version of me, I just haven't had to determination to become her yet.

Anyways, I will let you know what I uncover.

- Dani

no more

It is as if nothing has changed. I am putting on weight again and making poor decisions.

I don't plan enough, I'm not disciplined enough and all I seem to do is talk about the potential to improve.

Well that is it!

No more excuses.

No more Coke Zero.

No more treats.

No more positive dribble on this blog.

If I do not start making real changes constantly, then I will not write one more word about this supposed transformation. Now I say constantly because I have great days and terrible days, but there are not enough great days.

And if any of you see me engaging in counter-productive behaviour - please feel free to bring this up.

- Dani

post 12wbt

It's over. While I'm partially relieved, I also feel hesitant about being 'cut off' from the 12wbt site/world.

Has my body transformed? Not really, well not much, but it has been a step in the right direction.

Some of the recipes were fantastic and it was nice having workouts planned by someone else, but I'm loving my new 'independence'.

Since the end of round 4 of 12wbt, I've been regularly running along the beach - though the weather really isn't making it easy - I'm loving healthy food and I'm keen to experiment a bit more in the kitchen.

After a recent conversation with friends, I'm also considering training for a mini triathlon. I'm a terrible swimmer, so I don't know if I will actually compete any time in the future. But being fit enough to do a triathlon definitely seems to be a motivating factor at the moment.

Basically, life is pretty great. I'm exercising, I'm eating well and I feel really happy.

Now that I'm not focused on the 12wbt, this blog is going evolve slightly. I'm hoping to share more recipes, discuss topics of interest, provide general updates about my life, etc. But my weight loss and transformation journey is far from over, so this will still be a recurring topic.

Looking forward to having this body again

- Dani

can do

I went to an all girls school. The kind that had blazers and daggy hats, and that 'can do' attitude. I wholeheartedly embraced that attitude and truly believed that we were the women of the future - that we could do anything!

After leaving high school I discovered that it is harder for women. That we might not be able to do everything, or more that our chances are greatly reduced because of our gender. Also, there is perceived equality, but a lot of attitudes still need changing.

This gave my confidence a bit of a battering and I started feeling annoyed. My school had misled us.

At one point I said to my boyfriend, "What am I going to tell my daughters, if I have any? Do I lie, and get their hopes up and tell them what I was told? Or do I tell them the more realistic version?"

And his reply astonished me, he said, "You're going to tell them what you've been told, because you can achieve anything, and so can they."

He said this with complete conviction, without a hint of doubt in his voice, and he made me start to believe it.

Now that I've had more time to reflect and learn, I realise that my school did the right thing. And now I will tell anyone who will listen, especially young girls and women, that you can do anything. You can achieve anything. Yes, the road might be a little bumpier, but someone has to start paving the way.

I am particularly concerned with this topic at the moment for two reasons.

One, because there have been a lot of comments in the media that have shocked me. Comments from influential people who clearly have little faith in the ability of women. It makes me wonder if we will only achieve 'perceived' rather than real equality.

My second reason is a tad more personal. There are a few young women in my life right now that need to hear this message, that need to believe in themselves. I know it is normal for teenage girls to be preoccupied with body image and social networks, but I'm worried that they rely solely on external validation and that their not investing time and effort into their own development, into their own strengths.

Friends, family, acquaintances, they are all important. But your skills, your experiences, who you are as a person, no one can take that away from you.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that, we can do anything, especially if we put time and energy into being the people we want to be. I'm not being particularly articulate but hopefully you get what I mean.

- Dani