red flag week

I've been feeling a little less social over the past few weeks. I am completely unable to rein myself in when eating and drinking out with friends, so it has been best to avoid those situation. But I can't go on like that forever.

This week I am out almost every night with birthday dinners, comedy nights, cocktail functions, the races, etc. It is a busy time of year and I know that I am failing to stick to the 12wbt plan. I didn't workout on Monday or Tuesday (but I did go for a lunchtime walk) and my diet has been far from ideal.

I know I'm supposed to suck it up, get up early and JFDI. But after a late night, it just doesn't happen. And to be honest, I'm not keen on depriving myself of sleep in order to exercise in the morning. Yes, I can try to get home earlier - but it's not happening this week.

While I am exercising when I can and watching what I eat as much as possible, in these situations I am completely weak - I know this. I ate birthday cake on Monday and I can't imagine not doing that. People have birthdays and people eat cake - I don't want to miss out on these things.

At home I seem able (most of the time) to be the mature adult that understands that I can't have everything I want. When I'm out though, it's all 'I want, I want, I want', and the mature adult doesn't even seem to be in the room.

If willpower really is a muscle, then I'd like to know how I can train it before I am in those situations. Because at the moment, I am feeling horrible, eating out, drinking and not exercising (even though it hasn't really affected my weight loss - which is even more annoying). Eating out is inevitable but I should be able to choose the healthiest option on the menu, say no say to that glass of wine with dinner and get up early the next morning to exercise. Shouldn't I? But I can't imagine ever not wanting the wine, not wanting the creamy risotto, not wanting to sleep in. And when I do say no to those things I tend to get a bit sulky and I don't enjoy the moment as much. (If you haven't guessed by now, I really hate being told I can't have something.)

There must be a balance between living a healthy, active life and engaging in 'normal' activities like eating out and having birthday cake. And I guess the answer is moderation. But as an overweight person, does moderation not apply to some things?

Basically I am feeling pretty weak and pathetic right now. My lack of willpower has been a huge barrier for me over the past few years, but I really thought that this time I was going to break through...

- Dani